T BONE DENIES EVERYTHING

T Bone Burnett, the popular music producer from Ft. Worth, Texas, today denied all of the events reported in the anti-blog Overpaid Attention. Through his publicity agent Helen Weisberger at ThriftPromo, T Bone issued the following statement: ”I have never done or said any of the things reported in Overpaid Attention. Most of it appears to be outright fiction, and I don’t expect that anyone believes it anyway. How could they. But let me be clear, while these things cannot possibly be true, I also respect some of the ideas they have presented, but I will not say which ones, at this time. Metallison, the heavy metal Elvis Costello band I am supposedly putting together, is one big giant headache for everyone here at BONECO, and it’s not even real. The phones won’t stop ringing, and that guy from Metallica actually wants to do it now, and I don’t know what to tell him. But I did not do or say any of those things. But most importantly, I also did not issue this statement.” 

BOB DYLAN TO REUNITE

Bob Dylan, the popular songwriter best known for touring with T Bone Burnett in the mid ’70’s, has announced that he is officially reuniting with himself for an international tour in February and March, which will begin in Dallas, Texas Feb. 21 and include stops in Mexico City, Brazil and Argentina. Fans and media have been speculating for months about a possible reunion, and finally Mr. Dylan released a typically cryptic statement today which stated, “Yeah, I’m gettin’ back together, see how I get along with me…gonna hit the old dusty trail. See ya out there.” Mr. Dylan was supposedly inspired by the enormously successful reunion of Led Zeppelin on December 10, 2007 in London, England. Over 20 million fans attempted to buy tickets online for the historical concert. The month long Bob Dylan reunion tour begins Thursday, Feb. 21 at House Of Blues in Dallas, Texas.

T BONE FORMS SUPERGROUP ‘METALLISON’ FOR BONEAROO FEST

As a response to the disappointment of fans and journalists everywhere regarding the confusion surrounding Led Zeppelin’s briefly announced appearance at the Bonearooo Festival this month (Associated Press mistakenly reported that Led Zeppelin were to play the festival, when it is in fact the band Lez Zeppelin, the all female Zep tribute act), T Bone Burnett has announced the formation of Metallison, a supergroup ensemble which will hopefully add some ’superstar power’ for any festival goers disappointed by the dashed Zeppelin appearance. “I’m taking Metallica, and adding Robert Plant, Alison Krauss, and myself. I’m adding Eddie Veddar from Pearl Jam and Steph Paynes, the guitarist from Lez Zeppelin. We’ll be performing high speed death metal versions of Elvis Costello songs with Alison Krauss taking the lead on such numbers as “Alison,” of course, as well as “Veronica” and “Mystery Dance.”‘ When asked if Elvis Costello might join Metallison for a metal Coward Brothers reunion, T Bone replied with an enigmatic grin and said, “This conference is adjourned.” His notorious assistant and bodyguard Betty Machete then sprayed the room in a hail of automatic gunfire as T Bone silently and quickly left the room. Only your humble Overpaid Attention reporter was spared. Further details will be announced as the festival draws near.